In another thoughtful gesture, my current employer offered each staff member $300 to utilize over the summer for a professional development opportunity of their choosing. Obviously, I think this is fabulous. We have long ago established that many of my previous employers have been less than giving.
The interesting thing about this opportunity was that it did not have to be directly linked to your position. It could be anything that you feel would have a benefit in how you do your job.
As I write this, I currently have 13 browser tabs open (including this one). The sad thing is that this many tabs being open is an improvement. Probably because I am on vacation. Check back in October and see if I have regressed. The goal I set for myself by the end of the year is 10. Hopefully I will be able to decrease the number in the coming year.
I bring this up because, this image is one of my favorites.
Not because its funny, not because it is true, not because that is typical social worker life but because it is the most accurate representation of my own life. Sometimes I do feel like ADD is a super power. Other times I feel like it is my greatest arch rival. The best is the other times when I think I am dreaming or in a movie and that none of the struggles associated with not being able to finish a thing are real.
I believe that it is partly why I hold on so tightly to accomplishments. When I get stuck in why I can’t just start something and finish it before moving onto the next task, I recall. I try hard to. When the wheel is always spinning, it tends to go so fast that all the images are not always clear or simple to pick out. While I have a lot of faith in myself to persevere, I struggle with the same things that all human beings struggle with. I believe because of the husband (formerly known as the boy, not sure if I will stick with this name) I have come to a place where I struggle less. His insights always have a way of making much more sense to me. I guess he speaks my language better than most.
He is the indirect reason I write this post.
Coming back to what I begun to write about (I planned this one, I swear) initially was that I wanted a chill summer and I did not want to think about anything work related. I thought I would overthink this whole professional development thing so I just decided I wouldn’t use the money. Then I started to realize that either hormonally or emotionally I was feeling rocky. To be able to say that out loud and now in written form is a HUGE leap for me. Well because saying out loud makes it real. As a result, I tried to think about what I could do for myself not because I had to but because I wanted to. It is so seldom that I do anything for myself, with myself just because I want to. So here I go.
I enrolled in a photography class on Saturdays at a photography school in Manhattan. Even more challenging, it is a small class of 9 people for two hours each session. There will be no back corner for me to hide against the wall in a sea of people and watch the room. Even though I do this because I want to and it is a thing I have loved for so long. The thing that I wholeheartedly believe saved this little awkward nerd girls life. It will also be putting something I love into something that makes me uncomfortable. A level of visual vulnerability in a way. Something I don’t do, but I believe will help me to develop. Hopefully help me to close some of those damn tabs.